Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
