I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
