How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
