Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
