Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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