As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
