You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
