OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
