three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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