Dude my mom stole all your condoms
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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