Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
