Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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