i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
