saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
