Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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