After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize