This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
