my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her vagine was all disorganized.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
