It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My first STD was from a foam party
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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