I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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