i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
