mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
