I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
