farters have to be the big spoon...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
