oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
