It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
