lets start a swedish sibling band together
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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