Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
