i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
