I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
