so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
