Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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