happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize