In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
