just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
