Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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