May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
