I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
