U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
