I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ok first of all what the fuck
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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