maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
