My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
