After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
