I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
