omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
