I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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