you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
