we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
