My Higher Power is John Stamos
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
