i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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