So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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