My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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