I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
