Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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