Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
