Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
