I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you never un-have a 4some
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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