WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
