my mouth tastes like poor choices
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize