I just threw up on my dentist
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
