Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
