You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Mom said you looked used
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
