i need an iv and a liver transplant
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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