the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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