After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
