Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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