legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
