go do what you do best...puke behind churches
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
