You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
