He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
