I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
