she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
