Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize