Please, let me fuck your mom
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
