dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
