I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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