it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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