I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Even my vagina gasped.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
