your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
