it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
