Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
