Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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