life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
