I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
