omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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