I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
