"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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