She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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