beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
