Will you blow on my dice?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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