I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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