just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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