Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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