I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
