I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
