i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
