Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
