I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
