No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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