I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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