Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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