I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
