The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Say something about gay babies.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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